Frequent Ramblings

Reading

2009-08-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

I get on these spurts where I will read and read and read and read. Like there is no tomorrow. And then for 6 months or a year, I will stop reading. Unless it's a quick blurb online or some other news story from Yahoo! News. Right now I am in the reading phase.....

While on a trip over a long weekend earlier this month, I picked up a series by Karen Kingsbury and Gary Smalley... the Redemption series. Two of the five books, I read in one day (each). The other three were an average of it taking 3 days to devour the book. The series had various themes: forgiveness, redemption, questioning the faith after 9/11 and other tough issues of life and relationships. But the books always came down to trusting God.

I want to get more involved in writing about the books, but that will come in the days ahead.....

I'm.... baaaacccckkkk........

2009-07-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe it has been a year almost since last updating this blog. With all of the things that have happened, in a way I can see how I could have let this slip. My heart was torn into bits with anguish and bitterness a year ago... today isn't much different, though this time it's because of things I have done to other people, not what other people have done to me. The anguish I feel today is cleansing, the type of cleansing that can and does only come from God. A good anguish, the kind that I would give anything to turn back time. But forgiveness has taken place ~ now it is time for healing.

It is because of Christa Black that I have re-discovered this blog... all of her writing has inspired me to resurrect this. I have not decided if I will continue with this blog or if I will create a new one, but needless to say I'll be reflecting a lot more on a blog.

Thoughts from the Harvest Crusade

2008-08-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

I went to my first Harvest Crusade in 1991 or 1992 at the Pacific Ampitheater. Then again the first year it was at Angel Stadium. But I have not gone since... I've tried to go a few times the past three years but something always came up.

This year I was determined.

Of course, I AM a Christian so I would not be making my way down to the field.... but I just wanted to go because Michael W Smith was going to be there on Sunday August 17. *silly grin*. Even knowing Compass had a beach bonfire thingy. Yes, silly. Yes, childish. Yes, selfish. So I made plans with a gal I know to meet on Sunday and she said "You should sit with 'us' though I don't know who all is going to be there." I said "Sure." Now this was a huge risk to go somewhat blindly for many reasons, but none I care to explore, at least publicly. :)

After an insanely horrible week [I prefer not to dwell on it, my thoughts are quite positive right now], I called my friend on Thurs and told her I'd be there on Fri night. I went for purely selfish reasons, because I needed someone or something to comfort me. God showed me quite a few things, including how a born again Christian CAN and often times DOES get spoken to at these!

I realized how much some of the people I was with has changed in the 9 months it has been since seeing them. But, more importantly, I realize how much I have changed. And I have seen it with my own eyes. For ME to see something and realize something pertaining to me there must be a huge change that has occurred. I am often my own worst enemy, but I'm no different than any other human being who is just as critical of themself.

I used to be a terrified person. Not just terrified, paranoid. Paranoid if a group of people looked over in my direction, they were talking about me. And only me. Paranoid that if I said something stupid (yeah, like THAT ever happens... hehe) or said it with the wrong tone of voice, people would hate me and never talk to me again. Paranoid that if I talked to a "gasp!" guy, he would automatically think I'm in love with them. Over the past few months, reading different things and being counseled by a pastor who I can now say is a friend, I realize the only thing or person to fear is the one who can destroy the body AND the soul. Doesn't matter that numerous times I've relapsed, and will continue to relapse but I've learned for the most part to obey. I love the message Pastor Bobby gave this weekend on taking things to the next level. I realized I have put myself on cruise control though not necessarily in my walk, though in a round about way it has. I have my friends that I adore, I have my church that I adore, but I haven't gone out and met many new people. Being open and loving to Christian siblings - even if they have hurt you - is an act of obedience but having the faith to not stereotype is another issue altogether. I had numerous chances to do that this weekend and I feel like I passed this first round of tests at the Harvest Crusade. Granted these were people I will probably never see again, except the people I was with of course. The only one I really knew before this weekend was the friend I made plans with... now I know I have three new friends.

Deut 30:11-20

2008-08-13T10:32:00.001-07:00

I'm struggling with bitterness and heartbroken-ness and downcast-ness but I have no MAJOR complaints. God is good, He will get me through this time of trial. He did a year ago, He did in January and He will once again now. And He will again in 6 months when I'm "retarded" and allow this to happen again. It's a guy -- I have a short term memory, I always think he has changed and will treat me with respect as a sibling in Christ should. [I have to say as a sidenote, though, I have a feeling none of my friends will let me talk to him on a one-on-one basis again (and make sure I hear them rather than wave them off like "I know what I'm doing" as I have done in the recent past) or at least for an extremely long period of time.] And then I get majorly depressed and bitter for 2 or 3 weeks until I forget about what he did and he comes back apologizing.

Last night I had a divine appointment, even though I physically should not have been there with only 2 hours of sleep, at a ladies Bible Study with a friend. I had a meeting near her church till 7 and had no real good reason not to go. Each of us took a set of verses and read then. The set I read was Deut 30:11-20... when I read verse 14, I fought the tears... major, major conviction. Deut 30:14 in the English Standard Version says "14But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can do it." Though I struggle with the bitterness now, I know reading the word not only brings healing, but keeps me focused on Godly things. The two greatest commands are "love God and love others" and regardless of what people do to you, we are required to love them, no matter what. Yes, I meant to say that two different ways in the same sentence. :) Because that's what God said. This verse gives me encouragement because as long as I'm reading God's word every single day, I CAN and WILL overcome the bitterness, brokenness and downcastness.

This verse also reminds me of Romans: When we were still enemies of God, He sent His son to die for us! I think of two friendships I have lost recently (neither was my doing). It is hard forgiving because they don't realize they are wrong and therefore will probably never ask for forgiveness. But God calls us to love our enemies (NonChristians) AND our friends (Christians). Romans reminds me why I need to forgive people who have wrongs me, Deut 30:14 gives me the avenue (the Bible) to be able to do so.

Napolean Dynamite, Part 2

2008-04-14T13:12:00.001-07:00

I recently read a book called When People are Big and God is Small. Started out I was being lame and was just asking someone if they had the book just so I could say "I found your blog -- ha ha" It backfired but there was a reason I read it and was to discuss it. It has given me a LOT to think about, I am amazed at how much this book has impacted me.

I remember being stuck on Chapter 5 ... the title is "The World Wants Me to Fear People". While processing the movie Napolean Dynamite, I realized that there is an underlying theme to the movie. I'm not sure if other people over analyze things as I do, or if they saw the movie and just saw the slapstick parts in it and laughed or if the theme I found from it was realized by many in addition to the slapstick parts (because I was laughing too).

One thing I noticed from the movie is how many instances of popular kids vs the unpopular kids there were. I cringed the first few times, but I enjoyed seeing an unpopular kid end up becoming class president over this stuck up cheerleader. :) The world teaches us in high school to "fear" the popular folk. That if someone does not have the right clothes or right appearance, that person is not worthy of being in the popular circle.

There was one gal who never overcome the unpopular title, but her attitude and appearance changed. The best line in the movie, for me, was when she said to Napolean "I don't need to take herbal supplements to feel good about myself." I liked was Deb and watching her transformation through the movie. Not just her appearance, though that was a great change too. As for her appearance, she started out with the typical 80s hair do with the one ponytail on the side of her head but by the end she had it down rather than wearing it in a ponytail. She reminded me of Tula from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" or Mia in "The Princess Diaries".

Though all three of these characters are fictional, it gives me the challenge to overcome all the labels I've been given, especially recently. I won't even get into those, that is a major tangent. But, I couldn't help but find the comparison to those three movies and the book.. filled with symbolism about how one should look on the outside as opposed to how one should look on the inside.

Napolean Dynamite

2008-04-13T21:59:00.001-07:00

Interesting movie. I decided I wasn't going to see the movie in 2004 when it came out in the theater because it looked dumb. But, a group of people were going to watch it last night at a friend's house, so I thought I'd stop being a party pooper and be there to see it and see if I had just judged it wrong. Well, not really... it was total slapstick... and I would have enjoyed it a lot more if I was in the right frame of mind. But there is a deep meaning to this movie... one I'm not sure most people pick up on. I want to explore that soon, in my next post, hopefully tomorrow.

I can't get the movie out of my head. :)

Thankful.

2008-04-06T18:10:00.001-07:00

I am thankful I have such a wonderful church family. There is so much I can say about why I think God brought me back to Compass even though I "assured" people I would probably not end up back there after leaving the other group I was in. Yeah, but what do I know? ha ha

Pastor Jon said today that he can already name a lot of reasons humanly speaking why I’m back at CBC but asked me why I think God brought me back. The only thing I can think of is family. God wanted me away from CBC while things were forming with this group, knew I needed to be around people my age, so He provided a path for me to get there through the group at the other church. Regardless of why things ended up so badly there is a moot point now, but it ended badly and I met quite a few fake people. With this group at CBC so far, there is nothing but love and respect for me. I’m not saying people will not irk me and let me down here, but the chances are much greater at CBC that there will be fewer fake people.

update

2008-02-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

The endoscopy went well..... nothing is wrong, I just have to work harder and watch my portions and stay true to the protein thing. So far it hasn't worked. LoL.

I have officially sent my resignation "letter" to the folks I talked to on a regular basis at the Calvary group. Of the 10 people, as expected only three responded.... well, one hasn't and I worry about her silence. But I know she supports me and will continue talking to me regardless. I can't say the same about the other 7. But, if they don't continue a friendship outside the group, were they really my friends to begin with? I know, a rhetorical question, but still. :) One of the people that did respond is a guy and he has a ton of wisdom. He's in school this semester but wanted to post a picture of him and me from the retreat.... I was totally not feeling good in this picture, but still managed to look fairly good. Cheeks are red from being COLD not from blushing. Seriously. :)

Update

2008-02-04T15:52:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has certainly been a while. Thought I would post an update of sorts.

This is an overall update on my health... just scratching the surface though I do feel God moving in me on some points...

I've been thinking: There is no way I can do the 40 poundage loss. I'm sticking with my 25 pound loss goal for the year. If I lose more, then fabulous.

This Friday I am having an endoscopy... like a colonoscopy but it's in the mouth down to the upper part of the stomach. This is STRONGLY recommended for patients that are 1 year post surgery who are able to eat large amounts of food (relatively speaking) and/or are not losing or are in fact gaining weight... this ensures the opening will go back to 1 cm if it isn't. If anything, it will show me that I just have to work harder and that there is nothing wrong.

Going to Calvary is taking up way too much time. I have taken a break from going for the past month which initially started because I had some kind of virus in my chest and was going to be back in January. Well, January came and I decided with some insight from a new acquaintance that I should take another month. She and I have been talking throughout this month and for the sake of my health -- both physically and mentally -- I have decided that I have no other option but to continue the break for another month and re-evaluate in March. I need to take care of my health right now... I have very limited energy and need to preserve that for during the week at work. I have no idea at all where this will lead me in terms of church, but I will obviously be visiting Compass. But, maybe God is leading me back to Compass, showing me that it is my true church family (warts and all), and it's just a matter of time before I am back there on a regular basis. I do know that for some reason God wants me to confront some negativity I have towards some people. And that He thinks it's time, even though I don't feel it is.

And... speaking of limited energy: a few weeks ago I got my blood work back and my thyroid levels are low again. So doc has increased me to 300 mcg daily. And my growth hormone levels are almost as low as they were before I started the injections for my pituitary gland. So he's starting me back. New insurance with UCI requires pre-authorization, which was supposed to be approved last Thurs but there was some red tape and I have to wait an additional week. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful doctor who got on the phone personally with insurance and I was told the doc's office will call me when they hear from insurance. I do know the energy will increase once I begin again on the injections as well as the weight loss!

Once the injections get going, I will also have my thoughts in line with Phil 4:8 which is the verse I have been concentrating on for the past month.... to combat any negativity that comes at me.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(English Standard Version)

I guess I also cannot forget the verse so familiar to me as well lately... although God is constantly doing new things in our lives, some times are much more apparent than others. Isaiah 43:18-19 18"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (English Standard Version)

New Years

2007-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

I am normally opposed to making New Years Resolutions, but I can't ignore these. With God's strength, it will occur and it will stretch me physically mentally and spiritually.

1) I will read the Bible completely from cover to cover this year. It will be in addition to a REGULAR quiet time with God.

2) I will lose my last 40 pounds. In staying with pure foods -- chicken, pork, beef, fish, eggs, cheese -- and increasing my activities to include resistance training whether Pilates, Yoga or weights, this will occur in the first four months of the year. I still feel 40 pounds will bring me lower to where I ultimately want to be, but I guess I will not know until I get there. Item #3 as well as the 3 5Ks I am doing this year will help me achieve this goal as well.

3) At least one hike with the intermediate/advanced group with Saddleback Church. I have already sent an email to one of the leaders to get me on the email list. But this will be in addition to the beginning hikes I will be doing. I have no excuse not to living in Southern California.

4) I will go to a Dodger game. Oh, this is already going to happen, I just had to put it in here. Date and opponent will be determined soon. I believe I will also be going to an Angels vs Red Sox game but I will have to wait till the schedule comes out to confirm.

5) Whale watching. I will find out the details soon, but I know I have at least one willing participant to come with me.

6) Parasailing. I plan to do this in the summer, but if it doesn't happen it's not a huge deal.

Tommy Coomes Band

2007-12-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

Thought I would mention an indie band I like. Not my typical style of music.... I'm more into the soft hip-hop (the dcTalk's Free At Last type, nothing like hip hop today), rock (Third Day, Jars of Clay, some Kutless), but I also have a soft side of music... Mercy Me, Michael W Smith, Caedmon's Call, and the old skool artists.. Randy Stonehill, Jon Gibson, Bryan Duncan. So I guess this goes more into the softer side of me. ha ha

The Tommy Coomes Band have a new-ish CD out (released in October or November). You can hear the samples at http://cdbaby.com/cd/tommycoomes but you can also purchase it there (hint, hint). I just ordered some, 4 to be exact, to give as gifts. Definitely worth listening to it. I don't have to listen because I've heard them live on the radio coming home from my monthly Tues meeting when Calvary Costa Mesa did the prophecy series a few months ago.

They don't need promotion or anything, just had to talk about them if you're interested in some really cool praise and worship music.

Oh, they're also on myspace.

Matthew 5

2007-12-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

I listened to a sermon on the radio yesterday on the way to the store, it was Raul Ries from Calvary Chapel Diamond Bar. I've been having a problem with this one gentleman (in terms of a title only, not how he acts) for a few months and up until about two weeks ago I thought the best way to handle it was just to ignore him. Until I found out why he held things against me which caused me to send a rather candid email -- no, it definitely was not rude though I could have made it rude -- to him in response. I realized a lot of things and suggested we sit near each other for a while at any fellowship gathering so we know the other is harmless and try to reconcile the differences. Though, admittedly, it'll take me longer to get over the resentment I have towards him than it will take for him. He never commented back so I doubt he agrees with that assessment. Regardless.... the sermon yesterday was on Matthew 5 from what I could gather as I got in the car in the middle of it. The two sets of verses references was Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 5:43-48

23"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

For a few weeks I've been toying with the idea of stopping the Friday night group at Calvary. I have to admit the email I got from him set me on that thought pattern again and I've been plotting my escape for two weeks. I DID decide to stop going for sure for the next few weeks until January because I've been sick for two weeks and want to fully recover from it. However, the sermon and the sets of verses caused me to stop dead in my tracks. I cannot NOT go because of him... I have to continue going because of him. I realized that God is teaching me to be in a group of people that I love dearly but yet there is one person I don't seem to get along with. And that I have to learn that regardless of how I really feel, I have to show genuine Christian love towards him.

Last week an issue came up with a good friend I've known since 3rd grade. I was so mad at her, I couldn't believe how mad I was. So I was talking to another friend about it on Friday night and he said, "So when was the last time you talked to her?" I said, "Yesterday via txt message." He said, "That's not talking to her." Wow, this guy is going to make me learn to forgive people like Christ forgives me when I mess up. So instead of txting this gal today, I left her a voice message and we talked for a while on the phone tonight. Things are good now with her and me. We've overcome worse arguments in our years of knowing each other.

This also reminds me of an email I got from another friend... not even the slightest bit related to this, she has no idea about this stuff... but the email says "We will not find a friend that sticks closer than a brother...who accepts us as we are and never leaves us... until we've learned and chosen to be a friend like this ourselves" -- I love how God speaks to us on the same theme for three or four days in a row in various ways.

Fellowship

2007-12-03T09:31:00.001-08:00

THIS is how the Christian life should be... building each other up and spurring one another to grow in faith and prayer with one another.

http://facelikeflint.blogspot.com/2007/11/two-is-better-than-one-and-you-know.html

Shooting Stars?

2007-12-03T09:22:00.001-08:00

What happens when you see a shooting star other than seeing how awesome and mighty God is? I mean, that should be enough, but just wondering if there are any urban legends? Mom said that you are in love with the person you saw it with... to which I laughed and said "I must be in love with myself, or San Clemente."

It was awesome to see a shooting star in the middle of a city at 1030 pm. I could only gasp in awe.

Updates

2007-11-30T09:23:00.001-08:00

It's been a few days, I have come down with an insane sinus infection or head cold that has my throat constricted so much that I have not slept much the past two nights. Though I have been taking NyQuill and have been literally going to bed at 730 pm, I've been up at 2 and 3 AM because my throat is so constricted I can't breathe. I have been using an inhaler which calms my bronchial tubes down. I might go to Urgent Care this afternoon but we'll see how I feel later. So far today I'm fine and there is no irritation in my throat. I do know it's NOT strep, because I'm coughing and that's one bg difference between a cold and strep.

I've been going to sleep so early so I can save my energy for the party tomorrow night. Not sure it has worked, but I tried. At worst, I'll leave at 9 or 930 after dinner and before the games which I guess won't be so bad anyway, because this is a competitive group and I'm not competitive. I'm so excited about the dress. A minor snag had me worried a little bit, but I found a way to dress it down a lot and I can also now relax about the sleevless-ness -- it'll be COLD so I found a blazer that fits perfectly but will also keep me warm.

I was listening to the news this morning on the way to work and I have to give kudos to both Julia Roberts and *GASP!* George Clooney. Julia Roberts yelled at the paparrazi for filming her and her kids at a school. ""Turn it off," Roberts tells the photographers. "I want to talk to you about the fact that you're at a school where children go. Turn it off." Way to go!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071130/en_afp/entertainmentusfilmpeopleroberts

Trust Your Gut

2007-11-26T14:39:00.000-08:00

Interesting article even for those of my friends who don't have "the radar".

http://www.newsweek.com/id/71514/page/1
and
http://www.newsweek.com/id/71514/page/2

Ashamed

2007-11-26T10:59:00.001-08:00

I am ashamed for how I acted, though I have to admit it could have been much, much worse. Thankfully I have a mega sore throat and it hurts to swallow or I'd be having major cravings... though Golden Spoon will be seeing me tonight to soothe my throat... AND I have to redeem my free yogurt. woohoo.

In light of what happened last night, I think I should completely convict myself for my behavior and simply re-visit a former post from August.

http://weightonhim.blogspot.com/2007/08/james-chapter-3.html

.....

2007-11-25T23:07:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that I am filled with anger, hurt, sorrow/sadness as I type this. Right, I had no right to be behind a wheel in the rageful demeanor I was feeling, but I had two venting boards to calm me down. So in a feeble attempt to distract me so I can get to sleep before 2 AM, I want to list some things I want to accomplish or do or WILL BE DOING in the next year. Some of these things (I put them in italics) I came up with yesterday while at the beach goofing off.

* Call prayer watch at Calvary Costa Mesa on a Sunday evening at 1030 pm asking them to pray for the bitterness and anger to lessen. Oh wait, that happened tonight...

* To lose my last 30 pounds. I give myself one year from today (mas o menos - more or less). The final 30 is the hardest to do, but I have many friends who will hold me accountable for this. Plus, I can lean on God for help. So far I have done good, no huge issues with foods I shouldn't eat, though I probably could have passed on the pumpkin pie on Thursday. I have to worry about the stress eating/emotional eating based on the above paragraph, though.

* Go to a Dodger game. And I will be doing this, though I have some details that need to be worked out with some friends before I know which game it will be. But, I definitely don't want it to be against the Giants.

* I would LOVE to go on a helicopter ride. Don't know how this will happen, but I would love to do this.

* Parasailing. I am deathly afraid of heights, but I figure that since I have been in a hot air balloon already, being only 250-500 feet in the air isn't too big of a deal. This will obviously have to wait for 6 months.

* Snow shoeing with the advanced group at Saddleback church. I couldn't do it two years ago because I was self conscious of my weight. I couldn't do it last year because it was right smack in the middle of my recovery from the gall bladder surgery.

* ICE SKATING !!! I have never been. NEVER. There is an outdoor ice skating rink at Irvine Spectrum every year about this time and there is a year round ice skating rink in Aliso Viejo.

*Whale watching. I always want to go every March, but I never have any friends who want to go with me. Either they cancel at the last minute or just can't ever find anyone interested. Maybe I could get Katie and Matthew to come, I bet they'd love it.

* Alcatraz. Enough said? Probably won't do that till Feb on President's Day weekend. And I would do this on a one day affair. Leave at the crack of dawn on Amtrak from San Juan to Burbank and fly to Oakland and take BART to the wharf, visit Alcatraz and then do everything in reverse. :) Mom said she has always wanted to take BART. So even though I already have, I'd like to do it again in this context.

* Wear a sparkly black and silver dress to a Christmas party. Oh wait, that will be accomplished on Sat Dec 1. :) I cannot wait. My sister better help me cake the makeup on or my face will be red all night, though it will be anyway. I am so majorly insecure about this dress... the flab on my upper arms is causing me grief... not the fact that it's sleeveless.

Ok, I'm much more calm than I was, though the anxiety about the party will keep me up now I am sure. I'm so pathetic.

Where are the encouragers ? :)

2007-11-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

Some people have told me that I have the gift of discernment. I can tell when something isn't right or when someone is not as good as they say they are. I can also spot the fake Christians, even when my faith isn't as strong as it should be. Know why? Because I was trained and I worked with real Christians from 1999 when I first became saved (thanks in large part to Pastor Mike Fabarez). Some people call it my radar... 99% of the time it is so right on that people who don't know I have this gift are amazed at how right on target I can call things.

I also have a good sense of encouragement. This is something God has been working in me to get better at in recent months. I've always had the natural ability to encourage my friends when they were down... in junior high and high school I came home with some interesting characters.... I was the "loser magnet" as my mom calls it. hehe, never mind the loser guys.. I'm talking female friends. :) I have been overcoming my shyness and have learned to speak out when someone needs encouragement. I think encouragement can also be in the form of exhortation. We all need encouragement to stick with God's will.

Lately I have some friends who have been sharing stories about their friends who aren't very encouraging. As one who has the gift, there are a few verses that strike me as verses they need to be talking to their friends about. It has been on my heart to reflect on these verses that lead to encouragement/edification of my brothers and sisters in Christ. Just to make sure I am doing these things myself.

Hebrews 3:12-13 (ESV) ==> 12Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. I want to point out that the NIV says in verse 13 to ENCOURAGE one another.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (ESV)
24And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Ephesians 4:29-30 (ESV)
29Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Galatians 5:22-23 (ESV)
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Colossians 4:5-6 (ESV)
5Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. 6Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

I realize in context this is not directed to Christians relating to Christians per se, but it is important to realize that nonChristians see how Christians relate to one another.

All of these verses listed above are the foundation to unity in the Body of Christ... two of many the verses that can be found are listed below... exhorting us to ... make every effort to achieve unity.

Romans 14:19 (NIV)
19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

Ephesians 4:3-6 (NIV)
3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-20T14:38:00.001-08:00

I have to reflect on Thanksgiving. I've had a bah humbug attitude most of the past 7 days but this morning on the way to work I had to stop and count my blessings and all that I am thankful for. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 make it clear: "16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I am amazed the more I study the life of Paul, between the main services I go to at Calvary and the Friday night service, all focus on Paul. He was in JAIL, BOUND IN CHAINS and he wrote the "happy book" (Philippians). Why shouldn't I be happy? My life isn't nearly as hard as his. :)

So... here is my thankful list:

* My family

* My health.

* My friends. You know who you are.

* That I am going through some (small) trials right now.

* That I have a place to lay my head each night to stay out of the cold.

And most importantly: That God loved ME enough to send his only Son (Christmas) to die for me (Easter).... that I will be with Him forever. And He continues to love me no matter how stupid I act. :)

Psalm 43:2-3

2007-11-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

Psalm 43:2-3 NIV 2You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? 3Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

This verse has been speaking to me a lot lately. Verse 3 is the "motto" for Compass Bible Church but I like verse 2 because it cries out that God is a stronghold, the only place we should be going for guidance.

Week ending details

2007-11-16T08:05:00.001-08:00

I'm happy about this article -- I will only be going to one Dodger game this season. Though I have to admit I am quite surprised A-Rod is staying with the Yankees after all the strife that has been reported to be going on between him and Jeter and the other two stooges (can ya tell I don't like the Yankees much?): http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3112799&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

I had way too much to eat last night (which is still half of what a normal person would eat!) at dinner. I didn't even have much of the bread pudding. I had garlic bread, 1/4 of the onion soup and then the Filet Mignon Muffleta or something like that. Chopped filet COVERED in melted cheese on chiabatta bread (but skipped the bread). Mmmmm... I'd definitely get that again. I had literally no room for the dessert, but I did manage to have some. It was still as fabulous as last time, but could have lived without having any at all.

Tonight, against my better judgment, I am going to The Intersection. I say it that way because I am exhausted. But the sermons are great and the fellowship is sweet. I will probably not stick around for the restaurant part of the fellowship but will try my hardest to stay 30 min after the service ends. Tomorrow I will sleep in, for sure. And maybe take a nap at the beach. And probably not do anything at night, I have not had a night to myself in about a 2 weeks and need some alone time -- everything I have done is with others. Though it's great, I still need time alone.

This morning I was reading the Psalms towards the end of the book. Two verses grab my attention:

Psalm 145:8-9 "8The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made." This shows me how imperfect I am in comparison to God. I had a choice to go to a BBQ with some singles. And I was going to go until I saw one of the names on the email list that might have been there. This particular person makes me stumble in anger sometimes and I never know when it will hit. Not visible anger, but internal anger. I "should" show this person mercy; I "should" forgive this person. They are imperfect, just like me. As I read that verse, I stopped reading and I prayed for them. What an amazing feeling that was. So next time there is a BBQ, I will go regardless if they are there or not.

The other verse that caught my attention was Psalm 145:14 "The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down." This is another amazing and comforting verse when one is in time of need to be lifted from a trial at least in the mental stability. In looking at this past week, the recurring theme God is teaching me is to rest in His presence!

Finishing the work

2007-11-15T12:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to church. Not sure why I went at only a slight suggestion I go, but felt God's prompting. Never mind that I knew there would be sweet fellowship afterwards, but I felt the need to go to the actual sermon. Two things other than the above-mentioned fellowship hit me as I thought about the evening on the way home last night.

First, God's artwork was incredible ... because I had no change of clothes to go to the gym, I walked at Corona del Mar at sunset. WoW. I wish I had my camera, it would have been awesome to be able to post a picture. I was at first bummed that it was a little smoggy, but the interesting thing is that it made the sunset even more powerful. There were TONS of people there, I wasn't the only one enjoying the picture.

Second, the sermon. It was very inspirational. I've been feeling tired lately. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally fatigued. I guess it's that time of year... I seem to get very tired mentally and emotionally every six months, June and December it seems. Right now the phase is just I’m so tired of healthy foods. Maybe why I didn’t have an issue going to restaurants and ordering something small when I’m with the group (I'll probably still go from time to time, but I won't order anything when I do go starting today). I’m just weary in doing ‘good’ – I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Of course I am limited as to how bad I can be in terms of volume, but not with the choice of foods… in other words I have noticed a lot of stress eating patterns popping up again. But that has changed as last night.

Pastor Brian Broderson spoke instead of Pastor Chuck and he began the book of Philippians. Pastor Brian began talking about how comforting Philippians 1:6 is. Philippians 1:6 says "6And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.". He said it is comforting because of the completion part of it and referenced Hebrews 12:2-3 "2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." There again, is the "so that you will not grow weary" phrase. How awesome is that? Christ WILL finish the work and it isn't just a fad for him to work on us or work in us. He pointed out that in verses like Isaiah 40:31 people will get weary. People will move on when something gets too hard to do. However, as Isaiah says in verse 28, God is EVERLASTING and the CREATOR and his understanding is UNSEARCHABLE. That is beyond my comprehension. How can something, in the age of the internet, be UNSEARCHABLE? :)

There were many other points he made last night, but the part about completion is the one that hit me the most. Yes, God provided me a way out of my morbid obesity… he even completely changed my way of thinking and I see myself as He sees me 99% of the time. But just because I am weary does not mean HE is weary of me changing. And for me to just give up after the blood, sweat and tears is ridiculous. There were other verses Pastor Brian referenced I have to highlight as well but decided to separate them from the points I summarized above.

Isaiah 40:31 is one of the two verses as to why I have adopted the nickname for my blogs of “weightonhim”. The twin, at least in my book, is Matthew 11:28-30 “28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." This is especially comforting. It renewed my strength to behave today and not have anything I shouldn’t have. Even at dinner I will just have onion soup… my new favorite Creole onion soup at The Jazz Kitchen at Downtown Disney.

And this one: 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” I have found three very good friends to send a txt message to when I am tempted. But I think I will also plaster this verse on my computer.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says "18Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." This is the final verse that gives me comfort. It was not referenced, but gives me comfort whenever I feel anxiety when in new situations and settings. Isaiah 43:18-19 I have known about since junior high when Toby Mac talked about his favorite scripture in one of those teeny-bopper magazines. Regardless of how I feel and how much I resist or how much I kick against the goads, “God is doing a Nu Thang” (forgive the dcTalk reference!!!) in me and I just have to rest in His presence. What an amazing comfort and even more amazing promise from God.

Christians

2007-11-14T23:00:00.001-08:00

Got this in an email that was supposed to be only for Christian women, but it so applies to both men AND women.

*************************************

Christians
by Maya Angelou

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say ... "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Thin or chubby?

2007-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

This article grabbed my attention yesterday, just had to share.

www.bostonherald.com/news/opinion/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1044307

Political news.

2007-11-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

While I know this is not a political blog, but...

* I have to make a note of the new attorney general that was sworn in today.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071109/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/attorney_general

I have no real opinion of Michael Mukasey, though two things briefly about him I like so far. I love this quote: "I would leave office sooner than participate in a violation of law". But I also somewhat like the fact that the Dems are in support of him, something that makes me sense he is a good choice even though Bush appointed him. I will make a firm decision as to how good he is when he finally weighs in on the issue of a full pardon of Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean - the two border patrol agents who were wrongly convicted of their crimes.

* I also have to note about Pat Robertson's recent endorsement of Rudy for president despite Guliani's stance on gay rights and abortion.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,309481,00.html

I have to admit this is the first time I have been able to applaud Mr Robertson for stepping out of his comfort zone. My personal opinion for who I will vote for in the primary election is still undecided, but this was definitely noteworthy this week. Is this a "lesser of the evils" campaign that Pat Robertson is waging against Mitt Romney? Just something to ponder.

Romans 14

2007-11-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

There are three themes to Romans 14, as I study it. Others I am sure can find different themes but I grouped this chapter into only three. In verses 1-6, Paul talks about not judging a brother or sister based on the converted Jew to the Gentile in this context, but it is easily translated to today's world too. The second theme I see is in verses 7-9 as the second theme, which is accountability and/or who we are to give an account to. Finally, in verses 10-23 (don’t be a stumbling block and walking in harmony with each other)

1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. 2One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 5 One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. 6The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God.

It is true, we are not to judge people based on the freedom we have in Christ as Paul says in his letter to the Colossians (Colossians 2:16). But I find that this is increasingly easy to do with the Emergent Church movement. And I mean the judging part. And woe to the person who judges or attempts to point out sin in a person’s life (read with complete sarcasm). I realize it’s a different twist on not judging but the Emergent Church loves to water down the Gospel… the ONLY Gospel. In doing so, they accept everyone’s beliefs whether it is according to the true and only Gospel or not… the “Can’t we all just get along?” mentality. This is alright to some extent, we are to live in peace with each other (Romans 12:18), but it is taking this to an extreme I don’t think Paul meant. :)

7For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. 8For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living.

Simply put: We are under no obligation to give an account to anyone but God. Obviously as Paul points out in the previous chapter, we have to give an account to our leaders, but these verses are referring to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

10Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11for it is written, "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." 12So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. 13Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual up-building. 20Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. 22The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.

Paul is expanding on his statements in the first 6 verses. However he expands this freedom and to not let this freedom be a stumbling block. Some think it’s alright to drink alcohol; there are others who abstain from the alcohol. Great, that’s their choice and that’s their conviction from God. The Bible does not specifically address the topic of alcohol other than “though shalt not be drunk” but this freedom can end up being detrimental to a young Christian or a Christian (or, nonChristian) who is a recovering alcoholic. However on the flip side, as it says in Matthew 5:29 and 30 "29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." once this freedom becomes a stumbling block to YOU, you should abandon the behavior.

On a personal note, recently I had an instance in my life where I saw some pictures that caused me to stumble. I don't like seeing things like that and I hate the feelings I had when I saw the pictures more. My thoughts automatically went to how they were when I was morbidly obese. These are not realistic thoughts because I am not that way anymore, nor does God see me that way, nor do the people I keep company with these days. I realized these thoughts are sin, due to the small fact that the thoughts I had were not pure, noble, lovely, or right (Phil 4:8) and I had to get rid of them. As a result, I deleted my myspace account because the pictures caused me to stumble and to sin. As soon as I started the process of deleting the account, the burden of the sin was immediately lifted. Yes, I am glad I did this and will probably not re-sign up with myspace.

Romans 13

2007-11-05T19:14:00.000-08:00

Romans 13

1Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience.

In verses one and two of Romans 13, Paul talks about how those authorities, whether corrupt or not, have been put there by God. This is an interesting commentary on rulers and leaders. There are few leaders that I support whole heartedly... my county, state, and country are filled with disgusting leaders. Of course, I don't know anything about my city leaders so I am not including them in the list of corrupt elected officials. These leaders tell these lies just to get elected but then the promises they proclaim that they will fulfill in office get lost inparty politics. Yes, the founding fathers of the United States of America would be horribly disappointed in what their country -- OUR country -- has become.

Verses 3-5 talk about obeying the authority figures in your life so not only that you will not fear them (ie., if you're going the speed limit, you don't have to worry about getting a speeding ticket). Paul is also quick to point out that you shoudl obey your authorities as a sake of conscience. If there is one verse that is very similar it is 1 Corinthians 10: 31 "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." This is where the integrity comes in to play. You work hard no matter if anyone is watching or not, because God is always watching what you do and where your heart is.

6For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. 7Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

It's obvious what these verses are talking about... taxes. Pay your taxes. Or else.

Fulfilling the Law Through Love

8 Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9For the commandments, "You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet," and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 10Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

Verse 8 has become a favorite verse of mine since I learned about it 5 or 6 years ago. When someone gives me a dollar or piece of gum, I always repay it. If they are Christian, I recite this verse back to them. ha ha There is really nothing else to add to what verses 9 and 10 say already, they are pretty self explanatory, though I would like to point out Christ Himself said the two greatest commandments is to "love God" and "love people"

11Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. 12 The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. 14But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

These last four verses in Romans 13 are talking about loving God, obeying God. Christ said that no man knows the hour of when He will return and that it will be like a theif in the night... so we have to be on guard.

Romans 12

2007-10-29T10:02:00.001-07:00

Romans 12 (English Standard Version)

A Living Sacrifice

1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Gifts of Grace

3For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, 5so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Marks of the True Christian

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." 20To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Lessons learned this week

2007-10-20T00:48:00.001-07:00

This week I learned that...

...God is in control, no matter what and under every circumstance. I learned the value of Romans 8:28 this week and also the truth to what Joseph said (a loose paraphrase) to his brothers "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." I meant to be spiteful in sending that email over the weekened to a guy (not the guy I'm talking to). I don't regret sending the email but the motive was spiteful. God apparently had other plans.

... Unconditional forgiveness, though very difficult, is completely and entirely humbling. Never mind that is is amazingly FREE. We will never be God and cast out the memory of the misdeeds, but we are called to forgive as Christ forgave us. Unconditional forgiveness means... you should never use past misdeeds against the other again.

... that you CAN pick up where you left off with someone who hurt you after you clear the air and clarify things. But choose the words carefully. PRAY before you start the forgiveness process or it will not work.

Verse of the day

2007-10-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

The verse of the day is Matthew 18: 21-22.

21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I had the wonderful experience this weekend to come face to face with a few people who have hurt me badly... some not so long ago, in the past year. Two had the same reaction of not talking to them, but two totally different reactions inwardly. The third? Well, I learned something this weekend.

Saturday I went to IHOP with my parents and niece. Almost as we were getting our check, in walked a woman who emotionally bruised me about 6 years ago.... pre-ZC Sterling. It was in a restaurant and I didn't go up to her. I know I should have, just to see her reaction and see if she's really that scary or just my perception from before. I have no ill feelings towards her, other than the times her sayings haunt me. Well, ok... I did joke with someone and say I had an early Halloween present by seeing the woman. ha ha Sunday, I went to the Dead Sea Scrolls. Aside from the traffic, what I didn't talk about was I had a sighting of some others that hurt me... in the last year, They were there. Not NEARLY as drastic as what this woman did, but still left a bad taste in my mouth. Again, I didn't say anything to them, but I know I failed. As soon as I saw them, my blood boiled.

Last night on the way home from work, I was listening to KWAVE and Raul Reis was on preaching Matthew 18. He started talking about how impossible it is to forgive others, in our flesh and how we need to repent and give EVERYTHING to God when you say you forgive someone. That 70x7 is 490 times and that this is a lot and stuff. Ok, major conviction because I haven't forgiven these people completely (from the Sunday sighting). My heart was so heavy. In the car, right then and there, I gave it up to God. If I was going to Compass to help with the food, I know I'd see them tonight and I'd probably even say more than hello to them.

Here's the ironic (for lack of better term) part.

I met this guy in May. After about a month, he asked for a clean break. No dating, no friendship, nothing. I could understand the no dating part... I didn't want to pursue anything more than friendship at that point either. I called three times that week asking for him to explain [ok, call me a chicken -- I called when I knew he'd be in class and wouldn't answer!]... and even said something to the effect of "You'll regret walking away from this friendship." His reasons just didn't make sense. But I got no response. It still took me 2 months before I deleted his number from my cell phone but I still kept his email address. Well, this weekend I sent him an email along with a bunch of other people who were blind copied (which I had done a few times since May) and attached a current picture and a brief current events email talking about work, church and other stuff. I received an email this morning from the guy. It said, "I sent you a text message a while back, I don't know if you received it or not. In case you didn't, I wanted to know if you still wanted to be friends. If you do contact me. If not, well, I understand." I didn't know we "were" friends, first of all. But uhm, can you say "Answer to prayer??" All along, despite random times of minor anger (after the initial anger went away), I was praying for him. Never expecting an answer, but at the same time knowing praying for him was right. And that is the one of the first things I told him and the background.

He and I will be reconciling… it will be a slow process but one that will be blessed by God because God calls for His children to get along.

I just couldn't resist

2007-09-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

I have not had a whole lot of time to blog much lately. But the current news about OJ I just couldn't resist. I admit, this isn't a very good Christian attitude [as Pastor Pete said once to me "What about grace?" when I told him how I cheered when Scott Peterson got his sentence], but this couldn't have happened to a better guy. OJ is a bad, bad person who needs God. Not sure The Purpose Driven Life will do him any good, but it's a start at least. Maybe he'll really kill himself this time and save us from another horrific circus of a trial and the Nevada taxpayers a gazillion dollars.

http://kfi640.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=104668&article=2643529

There She Stands

2007-09-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

I have a video up on my myspace site on my profile -- www.myspace.com/weightonhim.

It's one of the only things I can do to pay tribute to the 9/11 victims and their families. This year, 9/11 is on a Tuesday - by the way. I remember clearly what I was doing... mom woke me up from a dead sleep with a phone call asking me to turn the news on to see what was being said about "the small plane that crashed into the World Trade Center". She and my dad were golfing and were not near a TV and, yes, this was literally right when it happened when no one knew anything huge happened. The odd thing is that up till that point I truly had no idea what the twin towers were.

Last October I went to a Michael W Smith concert where he was explaining how the song came about and that Prez Bush asked him to write a song about the tragedy. [I'm thinking, "Dang, you're famous enough, it must be nice to hang with the super, ultra famous people."] Few songs bring tears to my eyes, but this one certainly does. And the video as well... though it has much more meaning since I have actually been to the site.

Forgive me in advanced for wearing red, white and blue on September 11, 2007 - but I think it's only right to do so -- and I challenge anyone reading this to do so as well.

Fun stuff

2007-09-01T21:04:00.001-07:00

I had a blast earlier today. I went to the lake with my cousins, aunt and uncle, my sis and her two kids and my parents. It was the first time I had been in public in a bathing suit since surgery. And... the bathing suit was a little big so I still wore a shirt to cover up. But I played in the water with my niece and while she was on a boogie board paddling to the yellow bouys, I swam next to her -- I mean, she is only 5 (but will probably take after her aunt and be a swimmer when she gets older- I think I was 7 when I started swim team). When we got back, my nephew and younger cousin decided to attack me with sand and would get a handful of wet sand from the lake and put it on my shirt... I just let them. So, before I got out of the water, I grabbed a handful of sand from the lake and rubbed it in my nephew's hair like it was shampoo. He was not expecting it, it was hysterical.

Tomorrow I am going to re-learn how to ride a bike. It's only been 2 years, but still, that's long enough. I wonder if the 70 pounds less will make a difference. Never mind that it literally is a little kid's bike and $50 at WalMart. I'll have to get a picture of it and post it, maybe I can borrow mom's camera. :)

Stress reliever

2007-08-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

Know what I learned at lunch while reading my Bible? I read Proverbs 3. But I concentrated on verses 5-8, not just 5 and 6. While verses 5 and 6 provide major stress relief for the weary soul, it is important that while you are going through trials, verses 7&8 literally nourish us. So following God isn't just to please Him, but it is to keep us healthy as well! Here is the text to verses 7&8 "7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. 8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."

Wow... amazing. These 4 verses brought strength to me on Thursday... I don't have a hard life... my problems are so small in comparison to those who are in other countries (and, counties in Southern California) but I've been stressed out for a permanent job worrying if I will ever have a permanent job again, and I have to admit at times I'm a little fearful of the Calvary group -- just as I was with the Oceanside group way back when. I can't even begin to explain why, just a glitch in my head.. haha And I admit, I know I shouldn't worry -- the lillies of the field and the birds of the skies are cared for, how much more am I cared for (Matthew 6). And I shouldn't fear anyone but God. But it happens. The cool thing is that when you DO trust in God and you do rely on Him to give you strength and take away the worry you feel on the fleshly level, you DO feel refreshed and get nourished.

Time for a check-up

2007-08-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

Technology... most of the time it is a good thing, you can check in with long lost family and friends and keep in touch with people you don't have the capacity to spend time with (ie., they live across the country) and even save money on toll calls, though nothing takes the place of hearing or seeing a human. Sometimes it can even challenge you in your walk with God. This morning, I got a text message on my cell phone from a friend, that though she lives close we don't talk in person a whole lot. Her text message (I admit, it could have been forwarded from someone else) said: So are you reading your Bible? Are you growing closer to God everyday? Have you told God how much you love Him yet or how much you appreciate what He's done in your life?

Wow. I I have been neglecting my Bible reading this week. It's just what God needed to have me see in the middle of my week to remind me He wants ME to spend time with Him. Instead of turning the radio on at lunch in my car and listening to the annoying Vic the Brick (AM 570) rant about how the Lakers are going to be ranked higher than 7th in the Western Conference this year (in reality, if they rank higher than 8th, I'd be surprised), I'm going to read my Bible.

So, how are YOU doing in your daily Bible reading and prayer?

What's in a name?

2007-08-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

A lot of my posts lately have been long, so here's a short one. :)

On Saturday, I had "dinner" (we shared Nachos and couldn't finish it) with a new friend at Applebee's and then we went over to Starbucks. We talked about a lot of things during that 5 hour time frame... Christ, society, family, medical issues, personal feelings, fashion, emergent/”feel good” churches, expositional teaching, marriage, parents, jobs and Christianity (I copied that from her blog). I said some silly things, but anyone who has known me for 5 minutes knows I can be a ditz sometimes. Like, for example... I was talking about the crazy surveys my friends on myspace do and how I'm going to lose a ton of sleep when I get a real job and I'm not a temp anymore because I'll actually be working and won't have time to do the surveys during the day. ha ha

Of all the things we talked about, I left with a deep thought about names and how we're named and how it's never an accident about our name. Just like people in Biblical times were named for a reason, it's still true today. My name is Christina (duh). My name means Christian ==> follower of Christ. Ok, so great... that isn't too much of a deep thought. But, what I never ever thought about before is that I am the only person in my immediate family that is a devoted follower of Christ. I know it sounds silly on the surface, because it did to me, too. But just think about it. I could have been named Erica (or however you choose to spell it). Why did they pick Christina over Erica? I can say on a fleshly level, Christina was one of my dad's aunt's name... Christine. I don't know if I was named after her on a fleshly level, but it seems like it. But, just like how Jacob and Abraham were named, for example, I don't think it was an accident I was named Christina after thinking about it.

What does your name mean? Are you living up to your name? Thinking about this actually challenged me to be a better Christian and increase my time with God.. so I've been listening to only KWVE and The Fish the past few days in my car... what an amazing difference it has made. I have been so calm since Saturday!!!

********
A friend referenced this verse in an email - I just have to close with it... 2 Peter 1:3 (NIV) His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

It was not in vain!

2007-08-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

This summer did not pass in vain. I have a few more days of this challenge set forth, but I consider this a perfect time to highlight everything that has happened. The original challenge I set up for me this summer on June 5 was to:

1) Memorize 4 verses. Which I failed. I only memorized Psalm 43:3 -- seems to be the appropriate mantra for my life this summer.

2) Do some sort of working out 5 times a week. I successfully met the challenge of working out 5 times a week, even though most weeks it is only four times. I consider this a success. I walk twice a week at the beach, I go to the gym and do the elliptical once and then do cardio and Yoga once. The only thing left to do is add more resistance training to my workouts. Whether I have to add a day of Pilates or use dumbbells at home while I have my hair wrapped in a towel drying each morning.

3) Meet people. This I thought would be the hardest challenge to meet and pursue. But, it probably was the easiest. I thought it was going to be a major leap of faith because I have always considered myself shy. I have met people I know who I will want to keep as friends and others I have stopped talking to because of their lack of ambitious faith. I’ve tried a few groups at other churches for the fellowship part, but both definitely did not work out as well as I was hoping. One I went to three times, the other was a struggle just to stay there for one evening. But by a divine appointment, I heard about this young adult group at Calvary Costa Mesa from two people and decided it wasn’t going to hurt to try it once or twice and then leave. But God didn’t have that in mind. He had in mind that I learn that shyness is a learned trait rather than a natural trait – that you can be introverted your entire life but not be shy… that the two are not synonyms or always work together. Until 3 weeks ago, I did not see the truth to Psalm 68:6 (NKJV) “God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.” But because of the short time I have had with these people from Calvary, I know I have a family there. Families have warts and I certainly have mine (but for another post!), but it brought the ache I have to be in a family to the front and center. So it is no wonder the bulk of my conversations with people from Calvary AND Compass were centered on this in the past 2 weeks.

All through this, I've also been thinking about the phrase “anything, anyplace, at any time.” There have been numerous times I've heard Pastor Mike say that, probably once a year. The most recent time was on June 10, Ambitious Faith - Part 6. That in the Christian walk, we are to tell "God, 'Any thing... I'll do whatever you want me to do God or any place... I have no geographical preferences or at any time...it's on your schedule, God. You are signing a blank check across the table to God." I have the complete desire to do all three of those things. My problem is there is no avenue to do something bigger (yet) like packing my bags and going on a missions trip to another country or moving to another state. But, I have small examples from the last year… it was shown with my health stuff, even at the risk of going into debt for a while. It was also shown when I quit my job of 5 1/2 years and to go into "temp" work while looking for a permanent job (which I'm still praying for!). And it was also shown when I decided to join Christa on her summer challenge even though we are not in the same circles.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that putting Christa’s challenge and this phrase together would lead me to leave Compass. CBC has been my family for 2 ½ years not to mention the time I was at PCC since 1999. CBC will always be my family. I just have to move to another city (in more than one way!) to keep my walk with Christ strengthened and sharpened (Hebrews 4:12 and Proverbs 27:16-18). I am keeping my CBC sticker on my car. I have a standing date with my walking partners twice a week unless something comes up. I will keep the business cards to CBC in my purse to give to people in Orange County. I am remaining on the mailing lists. I am even offering to be “on call” if I am ever needed to help with the bulletins. And I of course also still have email and this wonderful blog.

A few things come to mind that some might be wondering.

Why is this time different than last time 2 years ago. This time is different because I am leaving under God’s leading, not because I’m disgruntled. This time is different because I actually have a place to go, as opposed to last time where I just left and did the searching after. This time is different because I’m much more confident about this prompting. Even if the young adult group doesn’t work out after this initial honeymoon phase, there are plenty of other ministries at Calvary to become involved in – and who knows, maybe it will lead to moving to another state or short term missions trip.

What about my statement on August 16? I did say it wasn’t MY plan to leave CBC…right? *grin*

What about the bulletins? There is/are a new bus driver(s) *BIG GRIN* (for the full effect of that title, read my post on June 10) who started driving this weekend. My hope is that if you are reading this and you attend CBC, that you will show her/them love and go in the church office once or twice a month about 3 pm and help her/them… or find out when the bulletins are being stuffed and serve her/them so she/they will not become burdened in serving, because it is a HUGE job and cannot be done with only one or two people all the time. Believe me, I know that first hand.

Wow.

2007-08-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

I have to brag again about the CCCM group. Last night's message was about praying for one another... James 5:14-16. The second week in a row, the pastor said for anyone who needed prayer for something they are facing to stand up and the people around them would pray for them. Very powerful. The application of the verses was amazing.

Then we went out to Denny's. There were at least 30 people there, I don't know if that was half or not, but there were a TON of people. At midnight, I decided it was time for me to leave or I'd fall asleep driving... I commented how I had to stop at the Shell station across the street but the three people I said that to immediately went into their purse/wallet to hand me $5 so I didn't have to make the extra stop and save 5 min for that and the 10 min I saved by just by NOT going on the freeway. I guess I looked more tired than I felt. But still, that was an amazing gift... I know it's only $5 and 15 minutes but that instance alone is a perfect example of how wonderful everyone is. I'm sure it was a gift and does not need to be repaid, but I'm going to offer to pay it back once. If the answer is no, then fine, but all I can do is offer. There will be plenty of time for paybacks. :)

Just to settle the confusion grin

2007-08-24T09:27:00.001-07:00

I have thought long and hard about my challenge...

I'm not sure I can do it in one night... I'm comfortable with the gals in the group, but not comfortable enough to just go up and ask for their phone number without having talked to them or them asking me first. (And to set the record straight, I'd be getting women's numbers because that's where my real walk with Christ challenges will be coming from.) I think I'd rather have two people poke fun at me (good naturedly of course!) than to go THAT far to stretch me within two weeks of meeting people. I'm determined to meet that challenge, but I'll take 4 weeks to get three numbers... that sits better with me. :)

Judgement/personal learning curve

2007-08-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Romans 1:28-Romans 2:1 (NIV)
28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. Romans 2:1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

I've heard many sermons on this... mostly only on Romans 2:1 but in context it's much more powerful seeing the few verses before it. Two thoughts occur to me because last night's message I heard on this was much more powerful than ever before... 1) I was probably ready to hear a convicting sermon on judging. 2) It is like Hebrews 4:12 says and the word of God IS living and you never tire of hearing the same thing again and again. :) Amazing, huh?

Look at that list of sins. I'm thinking of all these people who are unsaved who live in these sins daily... even hourly. Romans 2:1 hit me when I read that along with the sermon. That's ME. I have a friend who I have been judging... I haven't really been talking to him because of some stuff he has done. But just twist it a little tiny bit and I'm just as guilty of sin as he is. Ok, so he lied to me (a few times) and he made me look like a liar when I was only using his words to encourage him. But what about me? I have been full of envy lately. Envy because people have close friends and I don't... or, I guess I should say yet, which is a whole different post when I feel led to talk about it. Envy because of those who are married. I have to admit that loneliness/self-pity is pretty bad too... And what about some anger I've been feeling in recent months? That's just as bad as anything listed above. I will be judged just as bad as the drunkard. I will be judged just as bad as the ruthless girls who broke into my email account a "few" years back (which... I have entirely no idea if I would be able to say anything to them if I ever saw them again beyond hello - those scars remain though they have faded with time).

The amazing thing about God is that His grace is renewed every single day (Lamentations 3:22-23). If you just repent, it only takes a second for God's forgiveness to occur and for His love to shine through once again. And that's precisely what I did... in the quietness of my heart, I turned away from the bitter feelings I've been having. And even though I'm operating on 3 hours of sleep today, I'm not quite so lonely. Not just because I know God is with me, loves me and is protecting me... because I'm making moves to not be so lonely. I'm finding my loneliness is stemmed from my starvation of fellowship... with sisters AND brothers in Christ. I could have easily not gone out to Denny's/In-N-Out (no, I didn't have anything but iced tea and then water later)... but I did. And I left with a huge challenge waiting for me on Friday... I was challenged to go up to three people and get their phone numbers. "Hi, I don't know your name, but can I have your number?" But I guess I have to do it and I am sure the challengers will want proof. :)

I'm ok, you're ok... really?

2007-08-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

One of the bands/artists I highlight on myspace is the Joel Engle Band... he has a blog about a leadership conference he went to and how onlyone speaker at this conference advocated God's power. I recommend you read it even if you're totally against myspace -- you don't have to join to read his blog. It's sad to hear about that, but it's nothing that shocks me... nothing I haven't heard about before from Pastor Mike at church over the last 8 or 9 years I've known him.

But, on a personal level I had to share an experience I had last night....

I went to coffee with some guy I met online - a Christian website, but won't say the name. He looks pretty scary (a friend said he looks like a vampire and wanted me to bring garlic -- ha ha!!!) in his picture, but after meeting him in person, he just does not take pictures well. After about 20 minutes into our conversation, I knew he wasn't a Christian. Ok, ok... I take it back. He's in the "I'm ok, you're ok, let's just get along." thought process, but that still isn't a Christian. I have to admit it, though he is up to date with a ton of political speak, it was a tough hour. I was physically there, my heart was 3 miles away at Calvary Costa Mesa (CCCM), and believe me... I tried to leave at 730. Even though I would have missed worship, I'd at least have had the chance to hear the gospel being preached. Oh, oops... I just said the name of the church where the young adult group is that I'm easing my way into. And I mean that literally. I'm already quite comfortable with the people I've met, but I want to make sure this is where God wants me to be rather than where I want me to be because of my "need" to have (male and female) friends with my age.

Now that I revealed CCCM... I have to say that this is a perfect example of how Romans 8:28 works without getting too much into the language of Christianese. For those who dont know, I grew up Catholic. CCCM was the church I dispised growing up [ie., the first experience I had with someone speaking the truth about Catholicism was Chuck Smith]. But, I wasn't saved and I didn't want to hear the truth about Catholicism. It's truly a blessing this same church and pastor (indirectly, I'll add for the pastor part) has now become a source of inspiration in my adult life.

I guess my big question for the day is why do all these people who belong to the "I'm ok, you're ok" thought process call themselves Christians?

A note to those who may be "concerned"... I have no intention of leaving Compass. At least, that's not MY plan. Even though I was with people I felt comfortable with on Sunday evening, there was something missing... and the missing ingredient was Pastor Mike.

Koinonia

2007-08-12T10:56:00.000-07:00

My initial reaction of this group on Friday and it is very favorable. I still don't feel comfortable releaseing the name of the church, but like I said, it is a Bible believing and preaching church -- it's one of those instances where you know exactly what to expect from the senior pastor, such as it is with Compass.

I am exhausted and wish I had the energy to talk about it more, but I will say, I was blown away with how easy it was for me to talk to total strangers. :) Who would have thought... ME??!! Talking to people I don't know with such ease? WoW. Aside from the fact that everyone (which I have to admit I don't remember most people's names) included me immediately and didn't even blink an eye or change their demeanor when they heard I go to a different church. What an amazing group of Christians... the word that immediately comes to mind is koinonia. Not only do they have the group and fellowship for about 20 minutes before worship starts, they go out to a restaurant or coffee shop after the service.

Koinonia is the anglicisation of a Greek word (κοινωνία) that means partnership or fellowship. The word is used frequently in the New Testament of the Bible to describe the relationship within the early Christian church. As a result the word is used frequently within Christian circles to describe the fellowship and community of Christians - or more frequently the idealised state of fellowship and community that should exist.
(taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koinonia )

I am also learning that my "shyness" is a learned trait. I commented to someone at work the other day that my mother and I are completely opposite, that she doesn't have a problem talking to anyone without knowing anything about them and I'm not like that at all. The lady commented that I probably LEARNED to be shy because people were always doing the talking for me. Interesting. And based on the other night I definitely have to agree with her on that.

The tongue!

2007-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

I'm going to another group tonight at an unnamed church... I figure, if I like it enough, I'll probably name drop in my next blog AND I will continue going to supplement anything Compass will have in the fall because afterall it IS on a Friday. :) Tuesdays are still up in the air, so I have no idea if I wil be able to be a part of women's bible study. This church tonight is a Bible believing and preaching church. As we were hanging up last night, the person who invited me said, "Oh, you will want to bring your Bible, we use it. We're not one of those feel good churches." I laughed and said, "Isn't that what we own Bibles for, to use them?" (Pastor Mike is finally rubbing off on me after 8 years of being under his teaching... I'm a little slow in catching on sometimes! haha) I might also add that though it's not specifically a singles group, it's a young adult group (25-35).

(A note about Tuesdays: I could very well "sneak in" to the "Newport Beach" meetings aside from the 2nd Tuesdays, but for me to do that, they would have to have a calendar of who will be speaking. Though I got a lot out of the psychologist (who is a Christian by the way - I discovered that when I met with him individually... both in November and April before I quit my job) who led most of the meetings, he's repeating stuff.)

This group is going through the book of James, I do believe they are in Chapter 3. So I had to pull James 3 up ths morning. Verse 6 struck me... "6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." This verse also reminds me of Matthew 15:17-18 because the tongue only reflects what is in the heart. In Matthew 15, the Pharisees are questioning Jesus about why his disciples do not wash their hands before eating and about how they're breaking the laws. His response was, "17"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'"

If we could learn to take captive all of our thoughts and only think of things that are a blessing to God... I think we (as Christians) might start getting along better with each other and with nonChristians.

Just my thoughts.

Genesis 4:6-7

2007-08-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

In light of my previous post... perhaps I'm condemning myself but this was on my heart today.

Genesis 4:6&7
"6 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

I have not been following through with what I've promised myself and talk to people who "annoy" me. I didn't name drop or condemn anyone, just sharing what's on my mind, but I should still go to those who I am/was angry with (because it's more a mild irritation now, nothing keeping me from talking to them) and MAYBE those who intimidate me. Probably won't ever do that, but it's a thought. Because it is preventing me from going to church -- my church, that I supposedly call my home church -- and isn't living in "fear" a sin? Isn't running away from the intimidation factor letting it master me?

Thoughts/comments?

Fruits of the Spirit

2007-08-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie -- I haven't been going to church. If I don't go this week, it will be three weeks and to be quite honest, I'll probably force myself to not go - just to see. *cynical grin*

I could have gone to a church close to home, but where am I gonna go... Saddleback? I may as well just not go if that's the case -- it's not like Christ dying on the cross was even mentioned at the Good Friday service I went to. So, I haven't gone to church... I've been ticked at two people, intimidated by quite a few and feel entirely handicapped by everyone else... though admittedly indirectly.

During this LOA or AWOL or whatever you want to call it that I've been a part of, I decided I would try a small group at another unnamed church... to which I went to last night. I wanted to scream! I walked in to hearing how the guy whose house it is at went out on Sat and drank heavily!!!! Then, when the leader came, the guy used a not so Christian term of endearment to the leader. It was definitely not meant as a put down, but not the type of language you should be hearing or using at a Christian small group. Needles to say, I'm not going back to said small group at unnamed church. Oddly enough, the study last night was on conflicts. Great discussion, but the cursing really turned me off. So -- I sent an email this morning to one of the folks I'm mad at... as a result I am sure he will share the info about being mad at the other one as well as the intimidation factor. But, whatever. I'll deal with it when the time comes.

These verses kept me up most of the night... Not just because of said small group at unnamed church. Also a result of what I've been feeling.

Galatians 5: 16-21 ==> 16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Hatred is a strong word, I don't have any hatred towards anyone... but it has been anger. And envy? It's been horrible -- worse than it has been for a while. The only thing I can think of to combat this is Galatians 5:24-25: 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Another thing that comes to mind is daily Bible study. Starting tonight, regardless of how tired I am after my new weights workout routine.

Updates

2007-07-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

Meeting people, I sure am. :) Probably very few I will remain in contact with, but I'm still meeting people. Working out, check. :) Memorizing verses, bad. :(

I also finally finished reading Captivating. The last 50 pages or so were TORTUROUS. The book started out well, but I got tired of the endless examples from movies and books that had nothing to do with the Bible. The 218 pages that were written could have easily been shortened to 100 or 150 pages without those.

Christa Blakey has a review of the book that there is no way I will be able to compete with ( www.blakeyblog.com/2006/04/14/review-captivating/ ) and I will not even "try" to. I do however, want to point some other things out that she missed. :) I shall do that hopefully this weekend. However, I thought I would share a thought right now something I attempted to convey in my post about depression. On pages 190-192 Stasi Eldridge talks about "emotional attacks" that can and do affect women. She talks about her father and how he was diagnosed as bi-polar (ie., depression, the noun).

"Anti-depressants are stigmatized in the church. Some call them "happy pills". Others say that if you are filled withe the Holy Spirit and walking with God in faith, you will not need them. They shame those who are responsibly taking them. But we don't shame diabetics who need to take insulin. Why do we shame people with a chemical imbalance who need to take something to help them? Once my father began taking lithium, he no longer had the dramatic mood swings that were the bane of our lives, and he became a much better man, more of the man he truly was. There is no shame in needing to take medicine whether to help in a short, difficult period or for the bulk of your life. We human beings are made up of three interwoven parts. As Paul says, "May God himself... sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thess 5:23). We are body, soul and spirit. Each part affects the others in a mysterious interplay of life. By seeking healing through counseling, God was addressing my soul. God's provision of the help of the anti-depressants was a tremendous help to my body. I made real progress. But it was not enough. God wanted me to engage my spirit."

Hebrews 10:24-25

2007-07-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about this a lot this weekend. "24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

I was talking to a girl yesterday at church... well, in the offices... and she said "If I wasn't being held accountable for being here, I wouldn't be here." I thought about how awesome that was for her accountability partner to do... I really need that, I have to be honest and say I've not gone to church more than I have in the past month for various reasons. I do have a good reason this week, but otherwise I don't. From that comment and my own personal lack of discipline for going to church, I realized as I was being a rebel this weekend relaxing at home, if I had the fellowship as exhorted in these verses, the sour mood I'm experiencing might not be as bad as it is.

So, count on seeing me IN church this weekend. :)

Challenges, challenges....

2007-06-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'm memorizing Proverbs 4:23 now. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

I am meeting my challenge of the gym, I made it 5 times last week.

And I got a fabulous idea from a high school pal of mine. She has been dancing competitively for 6 years with a studio in So Cal and put on her blog that this new studio she is going to has a special for the summer each dance lesson is $20 if you mention myspace... or, the website has it's own coupon to print out.... http://agrdance.com/ What a FABULOUS way to meet new people. But, I'd feel like a fool going. I've never ever danced... in my life !!! Any thoughts?

You're only three calls away...

2007-06-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

You're only three calls away from anyone in the world.... I used to scoff at that saying. Maybe because of who said it originally (Robert H Schuller -- the dad, not the son), but I have come to realize it is the truth. I was reminded of it last night in both very good and very bad ways. Interesting to note that the bad ways only affected me in a slight way and only to reflect on lessons I've learned and things I will never do again. All of which happened before I was saved and can see God's grace guiding me through, even before I was a Christian.

The bad ways have become growing experiences for me and made me a casual fan (though an interested party to still be a part of the music industry somehow behind the scenes) of Christian artists rather than a groupie. Groupies are fine and make the shows interesting/fun (as I witnessed at the Jars of Clay concert I went to last night!), but there is a downside to having groupies. I'm sure [insert any high profile Christian band's name] knows what I mean. Sure, I was a major groupie of a few bands way back when (though it seems like only 5 years in some cases!) and literally had my parents plan a trip to Oregon for the off chance that I would actually get to meet Michael W. Smith, dcTalk and Steven Curtis Chapman at a Christian festival that no longer even exists (called Jesus Northwest). As it turned out, I only met SCC... I had to wait two years beyond that to meet dcTalk and still am waiting to this day to meet Michael W. Smith. And sure, I skipped classes to see Jars of Clay in 1997 or 1998 and also to see Michael W. Smith at the Billy Graham Crusade at the Oakland Coliseum also 1997 or 1998. And I did go to Six Flags Hotlanta to see Jars of Clay when I was Nashville on a weeklong trip (a 4 hour drive) back in 1998 or 1999. (All of these dates I have blocked these out of my memory except to say I did crazy things - if I really concentrate, I could get the exact date, but there's no need to at this point). But, now I have to pity some of the groupies. And I mean the young ones who don't know where to draw the line between being a groupie and being obsessive.

"You shall have no oter gods before me." (Exodus 20:3) This wasn't something that the apostle Paul handed down to the Corinthian, Ephesian or Roman church... this was something that God handed down as on of "the big 10" to the Israelites. It's unfortunate that some people still don't get it. I said before the Paris Hilton story made me sick. And though it was definitely Sherriff Baca pulled a horrible publicity stunt and getting burnt for it (which made me laugh hysterically when he was reprimanded) that made me sick initially, it's also that there are much more important stories to concentrate on... why does the entire media have to camp out in front of Hilton's home to watch her being arrested and crying? Never mind, the poor girl has serious issues beyond her DUI convictions and stuff. But the media could have done more with those hours like ... oh, I don't know... maybe reporting on how California is going bankrupt [or, will become bankrupt soon!] because of the poor draining our system or how corrupt King Drew-Harbor Hospital is and that it really needs to be closed down permanently after the death of the woman in the Emergency Room!

I didn't mean for this to be a rant on the media, but the overall depravity of humans and worshipping celebrities. Though also to reflect on all that God has taught me. :)

Psalm 13 and Psalm 32

2007-06-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

Perhaps not the most motivating (but probably the most controversial) post I will have up here, at least not in the beginning. I have felt the need to post about depression, so I’m going to tackle it now. Maybe this will help someone.

Depression affects Christians and non-Christians alike… it is an equal opportunity affliction. The National Institute of Health says that 20 million Americans (9.5% of the population) battle this monster. I personally feel it is over-diagnosed and doctors are prescription happy and will prescribe something without investigating issues further, because there are two different types of depression; a noun and a verb. The noun depression is what prescription drugs help and take away the nasty symptoms – it is purely that there is a chemical imbalance in their brain. These people have my pity. I grieve for them daily because it is not their fault. In addition to the chemicals in the brain, it is important to talk to a medical professional to see if there are other issues that are contributing to it… perhaps a thyroid or pituitary gland disorder. These have a main symptom listed as depression. The verb depression should be described as “depressing” as in you are depressing your feelings/emotions inward and have poor coping skills which just delay the healing. This should be dealt with by therapy (whether it is pastoral or professional counseling) and talking things out to improve the coping skills. In this case, the prescriptions actually cause the depression to worsen! The statistic does not specify which form of depression, but it is simply going by the number of prescriptions for anti-depressants.

Regardless if a person is dealing with depression the verb or the noun, the physical aches are exactly the same. You cannot eat, and if you do, your food choices are bad or it makes you sick to your stomach when you do eat. Eating patterns are sporadic… one day you eat everything in sight, the next you eat nothing at all. You do not want to get out of bed and do anything. Nothing you enjoyed sounds fun anymore. And the ache? There is nothing you or anyone else can do to ease the ache. Well, there are some things… but most of the routes are destructive (alcohol, drugs, food) and only help for the short term. On a spiritual level, you do want anything to do with God. No talking to friends. No going to church. And forget about praying! Though depression is not a sin, in and of itself, if the isolation from God and friends continues, it could definitely turn into sin! Especially since being alone allows a person to only focus on themselves and how pathetic their life is (at least, that’s their mentality) rather than serving God or others.

There are a few ways to combat depression… regardless of which form it is. Many Biblical figures have been depressed, though I only want to look at one in particular, King David. He is a man after God’s own heart and he was depressed.

One way is to take the focus off of you. Do something for others, or simply be still in the presence of God. There are quite a few psalms where David is depressed (the noun) but he doesn’t stay in the depressing (the verb) state for long. Have you noticed that in all of the psalms he writes when he is depressed, by the end of the psalm he is always in a much better state and ready to proclaim how good God is? Psalm 13 is only 6 verses but sweet in the sense that David fully relies on the goodness of God. And this is how he turns his thoughts so quickly from himself. It is the only way.

The other way to combat depression, especially for the verb form, is confession. And you do not even need a therapist for this! Maybe the reason a person is depressed is they have unconfessed sin in their lives. That is crucial in any setting. Psalm 32 illustrates how liberating this is… verses 3&4 say “3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.” In verse 5, after the confession: “5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”

It is always crucial to talk to a trusted friend and explore why you are feeling the way you are, because it could be a combination of the two forms. Also explore areas of your life… such as a job. Sometimes that is causing the depressed feelings. But, do not let it go unaddressed!!! I mentioned that drugs could worsen the depression if it is due to poor coping skills… I am not a medical professional, but I say it from a firsthand experience. I used to have poor coping skills. I still need work, but I have learned how to not stuff feelings, but to address them head on.

Update on my challenge

2007-06-18T19:40:00.000-07:00

I guess I am not meant to post daily on Proverb of the Day... I just always forget and now one day has turned into a week and a half and I'm so embarrassed ... not really ... to get back on there. LoL. I'm just being dumb about this, I just am being lazy and don't ever think about going there anymore for some reason...

I memorized Psalm 43:3, I'm doing HORRIBLE on memorizing Romans 15:13 ==> I am so excited that Pastor Mike referenced this verse again this past weekend.

Gym was nonexistent until Thurs. Then on Sat I did some gardening and that counts as a workout... and today I went to the gym and did a 3.0 mph walk on the treadmill for 30 min. Yes, I kept the pace of 3.0 mph for the whole time and was barely out of breath.... I didn't even break a sweat. Which is cool beause before I was barely able to do 3.0 mph gasping for air and sweating like crazy after only 1 minute!!! I'll have to make my workout harder next time... increase the incline or something. Or do the elliptical. I guess I should not be amazed, the last time I was on the treadmill at the gym I was at least 50 pounds heavier. :) For the next two weeks at least, I will definitely be doing 5 times a week at the gym or walking during lunch break... I refuse to rub my mom's feet or hands for 15 minutes.

Meeting people? Well, it's a process. But, I'm on my way... You can't jump out and go from a turtle who hides in their shell to a social butterfly overnight. It's all about baby steps! Every time I say "baby steps" I remember the movie "What About Bob" for some reason... Bill Murray played an obsessive-compulsive psychiatric patient. And I just remember that. And oh, the annoying dinner scene every time he had a home cooked meal at his psychiatrist's home. Well anyway, I'm definitely on my way to making friends with people my age. And so far I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I can't believe how much fun it is !

Insanity

2007-06-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results." And though the thought isn't in line with the Biblical lifestyle, I had to sadly smile at the parallel we CAN draw to the Christian life and how we CAN take that and make our lives in line with the Bible.

Sin, in general, is an insane thing. It started with the serpent, Eve and Adam. It continued with Cain. And it has been passed down from each generations. Christians are not exempt from sin. Christians sin all the time, we just know that we need to ask for forgiveness and repent. Paul illustrates how insane sin is... just from the internal battle alone. He says in Romans 7:14-20 "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." The insanity also comes from not following the path God has set forth and expecting to be at peace with the decision to not follow the Spirit. But, still the Christian sins and expects a different result of being at peace.

How does one prevent -- or lessen? -- this insanity?

For one thing, prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 says "17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Prayer brings the Christian closer to God and gives them complete peace in every situation. This peace surpasses ALL (human) understanding (see Philippians 4:7). When a Christian is in prayer, there is a connection with God. You understand what God wants for your life and you literally can hear Him speak to you! It may not be audible, but it is very clear when He is leading you and when he is not. Another reason to be in prayer other than sensing where God is bringing you, this is when sin is revealed! For this, read Psalm 139 - the whole thing.

The other thing to do is remain in God's word. Every day. Maybe multiple times a day. Psalm 119:105 says "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." but it is better to read the entire chapter. :) There is a saying in some Christian circles saying BIBLE is really an acrostic and that it means "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth". As elementary as that sounds, there is a huge amount of truth to that!! The Bible is God's love letter to us... Christians. And reading it keeps us focused and away from the insanity of sin.

Captivating

2007-06-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've been told to read the author of this book, Captivating, for a few years. The name of his first book escapes me right now, but the authors are John ad Stasi Eldridge. At first I thought this was going to be an allegorical book and wasn't interested when my friend Daks told me about it a few months ago. I didn't want to read another Hind's Feet on High Places or The Chronicles of Narnia. While these are fabulous reads, I need something that is non-fiction and talks about the Christian walk. A week or so ago, I was urged by the Spirit to go to Barnes and Noble after work and sit there and read a few pages of Captivating. The other B&Ns I've gone to never had it in stock, but somehow I knew this one would. And I found out in the first two pages it is nothing at all what I expected. In the week I've been reading this, I'm on Chapter 6 or 7, it is definitely a good read for both men and women, though this book is written for women. Needless to say, I have been "captivated" (grin) by the book.

Though I have been reading this as a cover to cover book right now, it is not really a book to do that with. Anyone reading it should ponder the truths written... slowly. There is so much to consider and it does no justice to read it in one or two sittings. Especially when you are so caught up with nodding your head "yes, that's exactly how I feel" and miss the points being made. The first few pages I read, lumps started forming in my throat. And in the privacy of my car a few days later while waiting for church to get out, tears formed. This book examines the heart of a woman and explores some of our deepest needs. The bottom line that I can already see will be echoed through the rest of this book ? GOD FINDS US (women) CAPTIVATING !!! From what I read so far in this book, Wild at Heart is just like this (but written for men) so I'll read that next. It can only help me. :)

I had to kind of laugh at one section in the book when the authors were talking about Adam and Eve. I already have decided that after talking to Peter the apostle when I get to heaven, the first person I want to talk to is Eve. Why Eve, you ask? Why not Adam, King David, Paul, or Moses? Or, even my grandmothers? Isn't Adam the one who started this whole sin thing? I think the contrary. I'm not saying this to pick on women (hehe), but it was actually Eve... Eve is the one who took the first bite if you recall. Though I will admit that Adam had a big part in it and could have stopped her from making the biggest mistake of their lives. I had never noticed this before. Genesis 3:6 says "When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." I definitely want to comment more on this, but I will take care of this in future blogs. I also want to outline Captivating, chapter by chapter, but that will be in two weeks or so.

* allegorical: Merriam Webster defines this as "having hidden spiritual meaning that transcends the literal sense of a sacred text"

I'm Just a Bus Driver...

2007-06-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

Periodically I will feel guilty for my lack of involvement at Compass and "only" being on the prayer team and "only" stuffing the bulletins and getting them ready for the ushers to hand out to folks. And on days like today, I feel utterly ... uhm, what's the word... insignificant (?) in comparison to Mike, Bobby, Pete, Dale, Bob, Ty, Brad. They are so gifted in what they do and sometimes I am envious of them -- yes, I said envious. Hmm, I confessed it finally... wow, that felt good. Oh, I do have to make it clear none of them have ever made me feel this way, this is COMPLETELY self inflicted.

But something hit me today in much different way than ever before. Maybe it was when I was talking about it during dinner to a friend that it solidified this thought in my mind after thinking about it while I was stuffing the bulletins today. My first thought about this was a song from Caedmon's Call called "Bus Driver". The most annoying song musically that they have ever done, but the message is intense.... the song is a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 12 where Paul talks about the body of Christ. I had to bold a line in the song because it haunts me every time I think I am less of a part of the body at Compass just because I don't preach, counsel or lead worship. And this line is exactly what was haunting me today.

Here are the lyrics:

I am a bus driver and it's four in the morning * And I'm pressing out my clothes beside my bed. Fourteen years been on the job and with many miles behind * Still I'm up at three thirty to make sure I'm there on time * My car gets me along just fine to and from the station * But my castle is this Houston Metro Bus * My first stop is Ashbury * And the sign's been gone for years but all the same the people wait cause they know that I'll be there * What would you say if I told you that I won't be by today? * Would you say that I'm just a bus driver and what do I know * I'm just a bus driver and what do I know, just a bus driver and what do I know? * Well, I'm always there by five fifteen and lately I've been early 'cause Judith likes to be in early to the bank * And she gives me conversation and a token good for riding. And she's happy all alone And then there's Charles in retail sales; and I hope they pay him well for the work that young man does * Cause I've never seen the inside of a custom refrigerator but I know he's the first and last one there * I wonder what they do all day, and their respective works. * Suppose they give money and take money away. * Still, I'm just orbiting this town with the post office my sun. And I'm circling again * And I wonder how this world would be if I was never here to drive this bus around from Ashbury to Main. * Suppose this town would be the same but with one bus' less exhaust. * But that bank and retail stores, they just wouldn't be the same. * But what can I see from the limited confines of my bus driving seat * Only me

The way I see the song and the way 1 Corinthians is... I cannot ignore the fact that EVERY PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST HAS A PURPOSE CLEARLY ORDAINED BY GOD. Just because I am not in the spotlight doesn't make me less ! I know there are people that I influence at Compass, regardless if I want to accept it or not. And I know there are people that look up to me at Compass (well, not physically look up to me -- ha ha!) and I know there are people that I encourage at Compass. And especially just by doing the bulletins. If I wasn't stuffing the bulletins, who would? Diana, Robert (ok, definitely not Robert. ha ha ha!), Ruth (Pastor Mike's admin assistant), the ushers or even Pastor Mike? I don't think so. They have more important things to do than the bulletins. So, here I go every weekend stuffing about 1,000 bulletins. I know they appreciate it, because not one weekend goes by when someone on staff doesn't thank me. Today, it happened to be Bobby Blakey. On Good Friday it was Christa Blakey and Ruth. And every week Robert. But, he's just thanking me so he doesn't have to do it. ha ha ha ha

I may just be a Bus Driver at Compass, but I'm no less of a part of the body at Compass because I'm behind the scenes in how I serve the body.

And the most ridiculous item of the day...

2007-06-08T13:14:00.001-07:00

This is just ridiculous. I'm sickened by this whole story:

http://www.kfwb.com/pages/561675.php?contentType=4&contentId=592910

My challenging summer :)

2007-06-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

Here's the plan:

1) Memorize:

* Psalm 84:11 "11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

* Proverbs 4:20-23 "20 My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. 21 Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; 22 for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

*Romans 15:13 "13May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

*Psalm 43:2-3 "2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? 3 Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell."

2) Post daily on Proverb of the Day (till it ends)

3) Meet new people/find people my age to hang out with (Hebrews 10:24-25)

4) Go to the gym/do elliptical at home 4-5 days a week starting tomorrow

Summertime....

2007-06-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

Summer is unofficially here with Memorial Day behind us. Pastor Bobby and his wife Christa have come up with some ideas about what to do for the summer and not let it pass us being lazy about life.

http://godsongmusic.com/blog/seize-the-summer/
http://blakeyblog.com/

On Christa's blog, I posted these ideas in addition to what she suggested:

How about going to a place like Village of Hope (at the former Tustin Air Base) sponsored by OC Rescue Mission for Hurricane Katrina victims? Or, even at the OC Rescue Mission itself? I don’t know if that would fall into hospitality… ?? ;O) I also know a friend who is going to Camp Allendale (Palm Springs area) to be a counselor to abused kids. I like most of these, I’ll have to think about which ones I’ll be doing.

More much later! I still have to think about my challenge I'm putting on myself.

Book of Proverbs

2007-05-31T09:51:00.000-07:00

Pastor Bobby and his crew have decided to go through the Book of proverbs... very cool. I've been a slacker at going to the site the past few weeks. These high school kids that post sometimes put me to shame, they have such wonderful thoughts and analysis. I'm not involved with the group on a ministry level, though maybe someday soon. I have some obstacles I need to work through before this will occur.

I think it's funny (in a weird way!) my thoughts were about Solomon last night and I stumbled across what they are doing on Godsong Music this morning. I had absolutely no idea. I have hardly talked to anyone in that group lately (LoL, I don't mean to make it sound like they're exclusive and I'm not allowed to, I've just had many other things to do), so I had to laugh out loud when I went to the site. For today, I especially like Proverbs 2:10-11: 10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. 11 Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you."

Though the whole chapter is talking about wisdom and wanting to attain wisdom, I especially like verse 11 in this because it sort of (in a long round about way) goes along with Proverbs 4:23… guarding your heart will definitely bring understanding... and peace (I will have to post some thoughts on peace soon, it's something that has been sitting in my brain for a while). Understanding is crucial in any relationship… whether it’s a family relation, friendship, dating, marriage or even yourself!!

I have learned this truth on the fly lately in meeting people from all walks of life... whether I've met them on the internet or at a new singles group I am going to (at least, temporarily!) on Thurs nights. I don't know how long I will be going to this group, if even just for the summer, but it gives me much more insight to how people think and how important it is to understand that not everyone is like me and will never ever be like me, no matter what. Well, unless I have a twin that was separated from me at birth! ha ha

The funny thing is my horoscope goes along with this: I hate horoscopes, but it just flashed on my computer. My horoscope today is: Knowing how to go with the flow is an underrated skill. Work on perfecting it today! You don't 'do' surprises. You plan surprises -- for other people -- but in your own life, everything's planned and accounted for. Aw, come on! What fun is that? Let yourself be surprised and you'll like what you see.

Meaningless !

2007-05-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

The past two days I have found myself completely caught up in the Lakers saga. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to www.am570radio.com or www.kb24.com or ESPN or any of the sports websites. On the way home from work tonight, I had to turn the radio off and get re-focused. This is so not me to be obsessing over silly things like Kobe Bryant and the feud the Lakers organization is. I'm not a star gazer of any sort anymore, never mind that fact that I never cared for Kobe,though my opinion is rapidly changing of him for the better. So, I was thrown off by this attraction to what is going on. There is a lot of hurt in Kobe. I am not sure I really care who is to blame in this story, whether the Buss family literally lied to Kobe just to get him to re-sign or if Kobe is just frustrated right now.

But what I do see is without Christ, life and everything in it is meaningless. I realize that this is not the most thought-provoking post I have done, but thought it might be nice to post Essclesiastes chapter 1... because Kobe is probably as rich as you can get in the world of sports short of being an owner or part owner of a team, and I think he is just beginning to see that this is all meaningless. At least, I kind of gathered that from the two interviews he has done in the past two days.

Ecclesiastes 1

1 The words of the Teacher, [a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the place the streams come from, there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.
11 There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow.
12 I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem.
13 I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men!
14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
15 What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted.
16 I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge."
17 Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind.
18 For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief.

Keep Moving Forward

2007-05-30T16:43:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted on my Xanga site on April 23, 2007:

I'm not a quitter, but I just had to quit my job after 5 1/2 years. Way too much stress for me to deal with to stay there any longer. Talk about instant relief when I decided that last week. I went into work today and handed the lady in HR my badge and my doctor notes showing I was really off for medical reasons last week (doc was worried and insisted I took time off). She looked at me like "What is going on." I only said, "You were a witness to the conversation between [no names mentioned] and me and she said for me to think about what I need to do and I've decided what I need to do."

I went to Arizona with my parents and while we were there, mom and I went to see "Meet the Robinsons" - the newest Disney cartoon. I got a little annoyed, probably because I was waiting for the line that I had heard from it which was "Keep Moving Forward" from my dad who had seen it with my sister and her kids. I felt ridiculous at age 30 walking into a cartoon movie with my mother who is 62, but it was worth seeing it just for the line and ultimately the theme of the entire movie. Bottom line of the movie is whatever Louis did, failed. A guy from the future appeared and throughout the movie kept saying to Louis "As my dad, Cornelius Robinson says, 'Keep Moving Forward' because you will never learn from your successes, only your failures." There was a twist to it, but I can't share what it is -- you will just have to see it. It is definitely worth sitting through it to see the ending.

A friend, Kami, sent me an email today and told me that the low feelings are conquered by sharing what God is doing in my life.... and just like a sermon I heard on Psalm 13 by Pastor Pete, she's right....

The theme of the movie sat very well with me -- keep moving forward. I can't help but think of Paul in Philippians 3.... verses 12-14 say "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Funny thing is that it isn't even 4 hours since I turned my stuff into my former job and I'm not even looking back. And I won't. I won't shed another tear, even though deep down at times I feel like I have wasted the past 10 months of my life.... I should have quit 10 months ago rather than transferred departments. But no more tears. Really. I have no reason to because I know God has a better job for me. Something that is far beyond anything I can comprehend. Yeah, just like Cornelius Robinson says, "Keep Moving Forward".

I talked to another friend yesterday and she was saying how in the past few months I have made a lot of huge decisions and she has seen a transformation -- before, she said that I would burst into tears and feel totally hopeless and feel that nothing is going to improve the situation at hand. But now, I make decisions and I'm confident in the decisions and how proud she is of me for changing and being so confident. We both started crying. Geez Sara, my eyes are welling up with tears still Thanks a lot. ha ha But you know ? It's true.

And the horrible depression I have dealt with? I think of Paul. He says in 2 Corinthians 12 ==> "...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." That is an amazing truth to ponder.

Trials.. of many kinds

2007-05-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

This was originally posted on my Xanga site on April 10, 2007 :)

This morning I was reminded of a verse I used to keep in the front of my mind the majority of the time (thanks Dale ... and Shawna ... for keeping my mind focused on the right things). But, it has quickly become something in the back of my mind for some reason.

James 1:2-4 says "2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I am going through some trials right now... none I can mention on here because this world is so small I don't want anyone to hear that these are regarding. I mean, other than the obvious physical trials of a major surgery. BUT knowing these tests I'm going through are actually strengthening me, encourages me and actually makes me happy I am going through these trials. In the midst of my trials, I'm finding ways to encourage other people and look beyond myself right now, which is something I am definitely not used to. I would have never sent someone an email AND called them letting them know I'm praying for them and that I know what they are going through... even if I really did and wasn't simply piling on the Christian-ese "I'll pray for ya man". But, two weeks ago I did exactly that.... a teen at church had her gall bladder removed and I had a sense of urgency to email and call her parents to let them know they can call me if they didn't want to call the doctor or whatever. I had the privilege of meeting her parents AND her on Good Friday after the second service. It was really cool. I guess this leads me to the other thought I had for a few days...

On Easter, my mom sat next to this lady who I've seen but haven't ever really talked to. As they were leaving, the lady went to my mom and said, "I want to make sure you know that we ALL adore your daughter here." That knocked the wind out of me. I didn't get how someone I haven't ever really talked to could say that, but as mom pointed out -- I obviously am carrying myself quite a bit differently than before and people are noticing. Perhaps not the people I REALLY want to say stuff are saying it (ie., single Christian males), but it was liberating to hear. Maybe they are noticing, feel the same way but aren't saying anything to anyone... hmm. Now there's a concept I hadn't ever thought about... but I won't dwell on it.

Links

2007-05-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

I probably don't need to explain, but thought I would explain why I put some links up that I did.

Compass : That's obvious -- it's where I go to church

Daks' website : My buddy from the Philippines -- anyone have any idea how to get him over here to the US ?? If you go here and click on photos and click on whoweareinstead, he's in the red cap. I keep telling him he needs to smile more.

Dale's blog : Pastor Dale from Compass

Jars of Clay : Uhm, enough said ?

Matt's blog : Matt is one of the high school kids that posts on Godsong for the Psalm of the Day. I am impressed with his growth and walk with Christ so I have to give him a shout out

Godsong Music : This is the one Pastor Bobby has up

Phil Mickelson: I don't like golf, but I'll watch it any time Phil is playing !

AM 570 Radio: The radio station I listen to a lot. Mostly I am addicted to The Loose Cannons midday show... they are a wonderful mix of personalities... Steve Hartman is the Laker realist and a walking encyclopedia when it comes to sports. Mychal Thompson, former Laker. Vic "the Brick" Jacobs... insane, but awesome. "Live in the Moment" is his favorite saying.

The NBA... it's self explanatory. But, the teams listed? It's all about the BACK of the shirt rather than the FRONT. In other words, I like a few players from each team... Utah, it's Derek Fisher; Spurs, it's Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker, Robert Horry; the Suns, it's Steve Nash, Leandro Barbosa, Amare S, Raja Bell. I do like a few players from the Lakers (Luke Walton & Jordan Farmar) and Clippers (Corey Magette, Elton Brand, Shawn Livingston), but it's not worth it to post the links on my site.

National Basketball Association
Phoenix Suns Website
Spurs Website
Utah Jazz Website

Guilty !

2007-05-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned that the high school pastor has a website. On the website, he has a feature for the high school kids called Psalm of the Day... where each day of the year is associated with a Psalm in order of how it is in the Bible. The website also has blogs from him and his friend Brad... and a bunch of other things. The site is www.godsongmusic.com. Anyway, this post is from March 18 and inspired by this particular Psalm, Psalm 77. I put my original post in italics to have this blog make a little more sense.

The first is a simple, I am just sinful and fall short of God. Since I read it after church today, it brought me back to the sermon in the first 1/3 of the service where Pastor Mike was talking about Peter when he was first began to follow Christ in the gospel of Luke. Christ told Peter to throw the nets on the right side of the boat and the nets broke because there were so many fish after an entire night of no fish. Peter said, "Get away from me, I am a sinful man". That's what I posted on the site, which was the first thing that came to mind. Or at least that the verses reminded me of how sinful I am, I didn't say anything about Peter. I was too tired to post anything else that would make any sort of sense.

But, in a much more meaningful way... Psalm 77:3-4 also talks about the weight guilt has. "3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. 4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak." This pattern is also definitely seen in Psalm 32, one that I always have to turn to when I consider why I am so restless and anxious and can't sleep. Unfortunately this week I didn't realize how much guilt I was living with until this morning... again, in church... but the last third of the sermon. Pastor Mike was talking about guilt. And talking about how Peter was going back to fishing and back to his old life when Jesus appeared on the Sea of Gallillee. The whole exchange of Jesus talking to Peter about feeding his sheep and not giving up on the mission He gave Peter and the other disciples. I can't explain why it struck me in a way it never has before... sure, I've heard POWERFUL sermons on this exact set of scripture, but it was a sharp pang of guilt this morning. Of the many points Pastor Mike had, the one that hit me the hardest was that the only thing guilt should bring a person to do is confess their sin... he referred to Psalm 103:12 and Isaiah 1:18 and said that once we confess the sin, we need to let the guilt go.

Letting the guilt go is crucial for being/remaining close to God. It can become a barrier. And if you didn't think those consequences were bad enough, the physical consequences make your dealings with life and with people much worse. I only speak from experience on that. :)

Insights

2007-05-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post some stuff from my Xanga site... it was originally from from March 11, but I changed some words to make ti make sense to someone reading this now. :) On that day, I had just had my gall bladder removed 5 days previously and was having a hard day in the recovery. I just didn't bounce back mentally as quickly as I had hoped I would. It probably took 2 1/2 weeks for that to happen.

I realized my mental outlook wasn't as high as it should have been be and it hit me when I went to this website put out by the high school pastor at Compass... Bobby Blakey. He was posting on Psalm 68 and highlighted verse 6 ==> "God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Yes, I have foot in mouth disease... saying things that I shouldn't say and then regretting it. I do admit I am lonely, but that is slowly changing. I didn't bother to add that part in on my post. I also didn't bother to post that I do have a lot of friends, but they're all older.. and married. I don't care really about the married part, but I do care somewhat about the age part. One other thing I realized is that I'm slightly envious of close friendships because I currently don't have one. I know it takes time, but it doesn't help the envy. Perhaps envy is my "beloved" sin. I was just listening to that sermon from ages ago the other day -- great sermon -- it was a guest speaker (Jack Hughes) from a looong time ago at PCC. I think it was in 2004 or something. I doubt you could find it still on the Focal Point website, but let me know if you want to get a listen to it and I'll let you borrow the CD.

There is a problem also that I see. I still see myself as 228 pounds, not like I am. Yes, I have lost 68 pounds since January 2006. And it is only because of the strength God has given me and a lot of faith in Him that this has happened. But, there is still a major disconnect. I tried on some pants that are SIZE 12 ! I could not believe they fit. I just rolled my eyes at my mother when she handed them to me, but the pants are actually big. Jeans are a whole different issue... but I'm learning not to care about the size. It takes time, I hear, to change my thinking, but it trips me up sometimes.

I have been listening to Good Monsters (Jars of Clay) a lot. And the words to some of the songs have been echoing in my head. I just LOVE the lyrics on this album... 5 years ago I would have laughed in the face of the person who told me that I would use a Jars of Clay album to cheer me up as I did on March 11. But, here I am... I was listening to it nonstop. The words to this song help cheer me up and realize that God is the only way I will change my thinking about myself. It is not something I can do on my own power no matter how hard I try. So thanks Dan, Matt, Charlie and Steve for a WONDERFUL CD to make me think and challenge my walk with Christ.

TAKE ME HIGHER
It took a lot to turn away * Blood and water from one side * It took your eyes to stare me down* It took the truth to set me free, to set me free * Looking for place to hide * Waiting for the wind to rise * My soul is waiting * Looking for a place to hide * I need a little peace tonight

Take me higher than the sun * You are the only one * Take me higher than the sun

Around the ceiling of the heart * Is where we feel the things that send us away * To where the blind can see the stars * So do you see the stars, do you see the stars? * Looking for a place to hide * I need a little peace tonight

Take me higher than the sun * You are the only one * Take me higher than the sun

Words and music by Dan Haseltine, Charlie Lowell, Stephen Mason, Matt Odmark© 2006 Bridge Building Music, Inc.Pogostick Music / BMI / All rights administered byBrentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.All rights reserved. Used by permission.

How my site was named

2007-05-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would mention how I came up with the name from this site.

Two verses inspired the name:

Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. 30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

and

Matthew 11:28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I'm up and running !

2007-05-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

I have another blog on Xanga, but I decided I would separate my health and general blog comments from my blogs on what I'm learning with the Bible and stuff God is doing ! So, though I signed up in February, I decided to finally transfer stuff over.

For my first blog, thought I would post something silly... did you know there is a website that has your birth verse ? It's www.mybirthverse.com. I wonder how they come up with the verses.... it just seems strange that mine is Luke 9:22 (NIV) ==> And he said, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.” Like, why isn't mine... I don't know Matthew 9:22 or 1 Corinthians 9:22 ? (Those ARE real verses, by the way)

Frequent Ramblings

Reading

I'm.... baaaacccckkkk........

Thoughts from the Harvest Crusade

Deut 30:11-20

Napolean Dynamite, Part 2

Napolean Dynamite

Thankful.

update

Update

New Years

Tommy Coomes Band

Matthew 5

Fellowship

Shooting Stars?

Updates

Trust Your Gut

Ashamed

.....

Where are the encouragers ? :)

Thanksgiving

Psalm 43:2-3

Week ending details

Finishing the work

Christians

Thin or chubby?

Political news.

Romans 14

Romans 13

Romans 12

Lessons learned this week

Verse of the day

I just couldn't resist

There She Stands

Fun stuff

Stress reliever

Time for a check-up

What's in a name?

It was not in vain!

Wow.

Just to settle the confusion *grin*

Judgement/personal learning curve

I'm ok, you're ok... really?

Koinonia

The tongue!

Genesis 4:6-7

Fruits of the Spirit

Updates

Hebrews 10:24-25

Challenges, challenges....

You're only three calls away...

Psalm 13 and Psalm 32

Update on my challenge

Insanity

Captivating

I'm Just a Bus Driver...

And the most ridiculous item of the day...

My challenging summer :)

Summertime....

Book of Proverbs

Meaningless !

Keep Moving Forward

Trials.. of many kinds

Links

Guilty !

Insights

How my site was named

I'm up and running !

Just to settle the confusion grin