Insights

I wanted to post some stuff from my Xanga site... it was originally from from March 11, but I changed some words to make ti make sense to someone reading this now. :) On that day, I had just had my gall bladder removed 5 days previously and was having a hard day in the recovery. I just didn't bounce back mentally as quickly as I had hoped I would. It probably took 2 1/2 weeks for that to happen.

I realized my mental outlook wasn't as high as it should have been be and it hit me when I went to this website put out by the high school pastor at Compass... Bobby Blakey. He was posting on Psalm 68 and highlighted verse 6 ==> "God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Yes, I have foot in mouth disease... saying things that I shouldn't say and then regretting it. I do admit I am lonely, but that is slowly changing. I didn't bother to add that part in on my post. I also didn't bother to post that I do have a lot of friends, but they're all older.. and married. I don't care really about the married part, but I do care somewhat about the age part. One other thing I realized is that I'm slightly envious of close friendships because I currently don't have one. I know it takes time, but it doesn't help the envy. Perhaps envy is my "beloved" sin. I was just listening to that sermon from ages ago the other day -- great sermon -- it was a guest speaker (Jack Hughes) from a looong time ago at PCC. I think it was in 2004 or something. I doubt you could find it still on the Focal Point website, but let me know if you want to get a listen to it and I'll let you borrow the CD.

There is a problem also that I see. I still see myself as 228 pounds, not like I am. Yes, I have lost 68 pounds since January 2006. And it is only because of the strength God has given me and a lot of faith in Him that this has happened. But, there is still a major disconnect. I tried on some pants that are SIZE 12 ! I could not believe they fit. I just rolled my eyes at my mother when she handed them to me, but the pants are actually big. Jeans are a whole different issue... but I'm learning not to care about the size. It takes time, I hear, to change my thinking, but it trips me up sometimes.

I have been listening to Good Monsters (Jars of Clay) a lot. And the words to some of the songs have been echoing in my head. I just LOVE the lyrics on this album... 5 years ago I would have laughed in the face of the person who told me that I would use a Jars of Clay album to cheer me up as I did on March 11. But, here I am... I was listening to it nonstop. The words to this song help cheer me up and realize that God is the only way I will change my thinking about myself. It is not something I can do on my own power no matter how hard I try. So thanks Dan, Matt, Charlie and Steve for a WONDERFUL CD to make me think and challenge my walk with Christ.


TAKE ME HIGHER
It took a lot to turn away * Blood and water from one side * It took your eyes to stare me down* It took the truth to set me free, to set me free * Looking for place to hide * Waiting for the wind to rise * My soul is waiting * Looking for a place to hide * I need a little peace tonight

Take me higher than the sun * You are the only one * Take me higher than the sun

Around the ceiling of the heart * Is where we feel the things that send us away * To where the blind can see the stars * So do you see the stars, do you see the stars? * Looking for a place to hide * I need a little peace tonight

Take me higher than the sun * You are the only one * Take me higher than the sun

Words and music by Dan Haseltine, Charlie Lowell, Stephen Mason, Matt Odmark© 2006 Bridge Building Music, Inc.Pogostick Music / BMI / All rights administered byBrentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.All rights reserved. Used by permission.